The Telly

Zach's Favorite Shows
Zach's X-Files Script
Transcript of Jerry Springer

Unless you're Amish (which I believe it's safe to say you're not), you've watched TV before. I like TV. It says so on my backpack. It also said, "Trish shaves her butt", but she didn't like that, so she changed it to, "Trish shaves her butt." Anyway, TV's really cool, so I'm going to tell you all about MY FAVORITE TV SHOWS.
Dick Dietrick

Zach's Favorite Shows

Here's a list of all my favorite shows and the channel I watch them on:

  • Mr. Bean- PBS
  • The Red Green Show- PBS
  • Are You Being Served?- PBS
  • Seinfeld- NBC
  • Late Night With Conan O'Brien- NBC
  • The Weird Al Show- CBS
  • The Late Show with David Letterman- CBS
  • Jeopardy!- CBS
  • Saturday Night Live- CBS
  • The Drew Carey Show- ABC
  • The Simpsons- FOX
  • King Of The Hill- FOX
  • Damon- FOX
  • Jerry Springer- FOX
  • Mad TV- FOX
  • Talk Soup- E!
  • Night Stand- E! (See of Dick head picture above-- Oh, no, no, people!)
  • Howard Stern- E!
  • Animaniacs- WB
  • Pinky and the Brain- WB
  • South Park- Comedy Central
  • The Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show- Nickelodeon
  • Inspector Gadget- Nickelodeon
  • You Can't Do That On Television- Nickelodeon
  • Ren & Stimpy- Nickelodeon
  • WWF Monday Night Raw- USA
  • Beavis and Butt-Head- MTV
  • Pop Up Video- VH1
  • Motorcycle Racing- ESPN2
  • Those chicks working out in bikinis- ESPN2
  • Johnny Bravo- Cartoon Network
  • Dexter's Laboratory- Cartoon Network
  • Garfield and Friends- Cartoon Network
  • Mystery Science Theatre 3000- Sci-Fi Channel

    • Zach's X-Files Script

    Once I sent in a script to the X-Files. They sent it back with a nasty letter. I wonder why.
    Beev: AAAAH!

Alien eats his face

Eugene: NOOOOO!

Alien shoots him with a ray gun

Later...

Mulder: What do you suppose happened here, Scully?

Scully: Who cares?  Let's get naked and do it.

Mulder: Did you bring the whipped cream?

Scully: You bet

They begin---
    Hello, this is the owner of     GeoCites, Mr. G. O'City. I'm sorry to report that this GeoCities page owner has violated the codes of GeoCites and their Free Home Pages. Zach will recieve a warning. If it happens again, it will result in loss of GeoCities membership, which I remind you is FREE!.
    Well, that sucks. Oh well. Here's my script for a show that me and Tim should make...

    Transcript of Jerry Springer

    Jerry: Today our show is about confessions from villian fathers to thier sons.  Ladies and
gentlemen, let's bring out Darth Vader.  

Applause

Jerry: So, Mr. Vader, what brings you to our show.

Darth Vader: Well, I just recently confessed to my son, Luke that I was his father.  

Jerry: He didn't know?

Darth Vader: No.  You see, I got rid of him when he was a little kid, and then I built a Death
Star and I blew stuff up with it.  Later, he joined the force and tried to stop
me from blowing stuff up.  Then I told him I was his father.

Jerry: Oh, I see.  Well, let's bring out Luke Skywalker so you can make your confession to him.

Applause

Jerry: Welcome to the show, Luke.

Luke: Thank you.

Jerry: So Mr. Vader here told you that he was your father, is that correct?

Luke: Yes it is.

Jerry: Well, your father has another confession for you.

Darth Vader: Luke, remember when I told you that I was your father?

Luke: Yeah

Darth Vader: Well, that's only half the truth.  I'm really your mother.  I'm a woman.

Luke: What?!  You $%$#@%!!!

He gets up and beats the crap out of Darth Vader.  The security guards try to stop him, but 
he kills them with his light saber.  

Luke: Die!  Die!

Jerry: Um, okay, when we return, we'll have Dr. Evil and his son, Scott, so stick around.