3 November, 1995

One day in English class, we were told that if we couldn't thnk of anything to write about, then we could write about a painting that he would display on the overhead. It was of an Indian boy, a black cat, and an old woman with nasty looking hands. I assumed that this woman was the boy's mother. I read the caption on the projection and it said, "Waiting for the boarding school bus." Here's my story about this piece of art

Wilberforce, his mother, and his cat were waiting for the bus one morning. At the end of their long, dirt road, they could see the headlights on the bus rounding the corner. But what's this? The black cat is crossing the street! The superstitious bus driver saw the cat and swerved, hitting a fire hydrant. Wilberforce and his mother, who didn't know you weren't supposed to stick your hands in the garbage disposal, pointed and laughed. (Although, his mother couldn't point. She no longer controlled her hands. You see, THEY CONTROL HER!)

Wilberforce and his mother went to see if everyoine on the bus was all right. The driver just said, "Look at my organ donor card!," and dropped dead. He was cremated and his ashes were spread across a puddle in the back yard.

All of the other pasengers on the bus went crazy and began foaming at the mouth. Then they ate the spark plugs out of the hood of the bus. At that point, they were quickly rushed to Honest Al's Service Garage � (Open 24 hours) where they drank Spanish root-beer made from Mexican jumping beans and sang show tunes around a camp fire. If all of this isn't true, then may I get struck by a bolt of lightning and get boils on my touchas. OUCH! @#$% lightning. YEOW! Frickin' boils.

Well, on with the story. This story took place many years ago. Before the invention of the I.D. bracelet, taser gun, or the automobile. How was there a bus if cars weren't invented yet? The world will never know.

Well how was ol' Wilberforce s'posed to get to boarding school? He wanted to go real bad, too. I guess he was just left ignorant like me, write? RONG! A helicopter named Bernard came down and picked him up. Unfortunately, Bernard had no idea where Wilberforce wanted to go.

"Where do ya wanna go, you dirt burglar?," asked Bernard.

"Otay oardingbay choolsay," replied Wilberforce

"Eh?"

"Otay oardingbay choolsay!," he repeated

"F this!," said Bernard as he dropped Wilberforce into a spatula factory.

Wilberforce mumbled something in Pig-Latin which has no exact translation. It's closest translation is, "Oww, I popped a paw!"

Suddenly, a voice rang out. It was the factory's owner, Mr. Papa Boolie. "Can I intrest you in a spatula?"

"Patulasay? I on'tday eednay onay tinkingsay patulasay!," said Wilberforce

Papa Boolie was bisexual bilingual, so he knew what he said. Wilberforce explained his problem and Papa Boolie helped him. Wilberforce found his way to boarding school. Later, the school was effected greatly in a strange nuclear winter, but that's another stor.

END!